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CONFIDENCE NEVER CAME NATURALLY TO ME.

For as long as I could remember I always felt a simmering sense of inadequacy. Though I had a lot of success throughout my career, it took years before I actually felt “successful” and true self-confidence began to overpower my anxiety, and spill over into every aspect of my life.

My story is different from most, but no more unique than yours.
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<< scroll for my story >> 
[ my whole life in 10 minutes ]

First you have to understand the backstory.

Let’s fast-forward through those first 10 years.

We'll take it in 5 quick flashbacks, old-school scrapbook style.... 

1.

It all started with a crush in middle school.

(Doesn't it always?)

She asked me to take a dance class with her.

I was only 13, so for a loner with zero
self-confidence, a chance to hold a girl’s hand for all of 7th period was a good enough reason for me to say yes. 
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2.

Turns out I actually liked it a lot. So I continued the dance thing as I entered high school. But when news reached the public...

But I knew I was screwed.

I remember staring down at the local paper that Monday morning.

Me, a ballroom dancer...and now all the guys on my sports teams would know. I'd never live this down.

I mean, I was in high school.

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3.

But I stuck with it, and it afforded me a lot of life experiences.

In fact, I became...surprisingly good.

By the time I turned 18, I had:

trained in New York, London, and LA,

performed around the world,

won national titles,

and ranked on international podiums.

And yes...yes, this IS from my mom's scrapbook. She's always been my biggest fan :)

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4.

But even with all that --

I still felt that my “real” identity was Clark Kent

...and Superman was just a character I played

when the music turned on and the lights hit the floor.
I still couldn’t figure out why.
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5.

Which brings us to...

The Confidence Dilemma

Having had dozens of elite coaches and teachers over the years, I’d realized the overwhelming consensus across the board in any industry or personal endeavor is that if you want to improve something, you go right for the problem. 

So that’s what I did. I thought and operated that way for years, grinding away at self-improvement to perfect my craft. I worked hard, improved, conquered, repeated. 

As I became more confident in the performing arts, I started to realize that there was an adverse affect in the other 90% of my life.  

Even when I achieved my goals, I immediately began to critique what I could have done better.

My confidence wasn’t sustainable. My anxiety around my self-image increased and I started to second-guess my confidence in other aspects of my life, which really started to wear on me.

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...So I stepped away. 

I left it all behind to live in Central and South America for a few years.

There, I dedicated my life to missionary work and Humanitarian service.

These experiences were life-changing to say the least, but they’re a different set of stories for another day. 

When I returned home I felt renewed with a clearer purpose.


I had discovered an essential part of myself:

The absolute enjoyment and love I felt for helping people grow, in whatever way possible. 

My sabbatical had taught me some valuable lessons, the least of which showed me how pursuing my own ambition, crafting my talent and defining my potential with purpose

could be done simultaneously
as I help others do the same along the way.

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At 23, I'd already lived a lot of life. My experiences had armed me with the tools, encouragement and confidence to try my hand at the big leagues...

I moved to Hollywood.

I returned to ballroom dance and rose
to the top levels of my craft. 

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I made a name for myself.

As I transitioned from Amateur to high-level professional,
I began to win competitions, and went on to be a Pro-Am professional
where I danced with my students and led them on to National championships and World competitions, helping them rank on the podium. 


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And it wasn’t just ballroom dancing;
my career continued to evolve.

I choreographed for and appeared on various TV shows.

Some of the former students I helped train and mentor
years ago grew up to become household names,
as they danced with the stars and then became ones themselves.

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Over the years, my clients ranged from amateurs to professionals,
and from kids all the way to people in their 80’s.
I directed, acted, and went on to co-produce
entertainment productions of all levels,

empowering people with their own self-confidence.

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Meanwhile, my personal journey had come with some beautiful relationships as well as some devastating heartaches.

I had made some bad choices, which hurt those I loved most dear as well as myself. In addition, I'd endured extreme emotional abuse and fought hard to overcome intense mental and physical health challenges.

Nevertheless, I didn't stop trying to improve or help others climb their mountains along my path.

But there was one event that absolutely rocked my life and changed me forever:

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I became a dad.

Suddenly, I was in his world.
Everything changed. 
I was a kid again. 

I understood the fundamental need to help my
child feel confident from the time he took his first steps.
I realized how important it was for him
to learn to build himself up and not let him tear himself down.

I wanted to show him that it’s okay to stumble, to doubt and even fall, but that shouldn’t take away from the moments you climb,
believe in yourself and stand tall.

As he grew older, I got wiser, and life became a little more complicated.

I started to question that mentality that had been ingrained in me in my early years. 

(You know, the one that I had ...affectionately... entitled above,
“The Confidence Dilemma”)

While raising my son, my awareness had been heightened around the endless methodologies surrounding all topics regarding personal development. 

I had an epiphany.

When it comes to self-improvement, just because we can’t do something yet, doesn’t mean we should label it as a “problem”. 

For so long, I had looked at my attempts at self-improvement through a negative lens. This approach had become my mindset that I brought to the stage, the studio, and to my personal and family life.

As time passed, and I reflected more and more on the lessons I’d learned when I was a young father helping my son take his first steps, I realized that my little boy needed 

-- confidence first, then the steps
would come naturally. 

The answer had been in front of me all along.

I didn’t realize it, but my mindset had already
shifted a long time ago. 

I’d been teaching it;
I’d been practicing it.

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I just hadn’t formulated it in a way that was applicable to everyone outside of the entertainment industry...but now it came to me.


The key to self-confidence was not to “go straight for the problem, and make it better”, it was quite the opposite: 
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Empower your strengths FIRST

and your weaknesses will
become irrelevant.

Confidence,

I realized, begins with a

thought...

not a feeling.

Don’t wait to feel it
in order to believe it!

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Sounds obvious, doesn't it?

But as I saw the opposite play out time and time again
in my profession, I couldn't help but notice it outside my industry, in the day-to-day lives of mine
as well as others around me.

Maybe you can relate.

Consider this analogy:

[use arrows to read all 3 slides below]

Far too often,

We find ourselves waiting in the wings, watching our life play out on stage in front of us--but without us.

We wait hesitantly for something --anything-- to give us the permission
to step out and make our debut. 

Taunting ourselves, we dare to try something new, hoping that somewhere behind the curtains we will finally feel the courage to perform.
But then, 

right when we are about to take the leap,

those old familiar feelings of fear,
of rejection,
of doubt and inadequacy

cause us to retreat. 
More often than not,

we are waiting for some feeling
to motivate us to act,

to believe in ourselves,
to give us reason to expect that, at any moment,
 a feeling other than fear
will grace us with its presence,
giving us permission to finally HAVE confidence to trust in our potential.
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Recognizing the contrast between these two approaches of

waiting for a feeling

vs.

believing and doing

 gave me a whole new perspective.

I was a good teacher. In fact, I was a great teacher. However, from that simple concept came hundreds of lessons and conversations which transformed how I mentored people.

Let's be clear: obviously I didn’t invent this mentality; I simply helped people become aware of how these principles were universal. They could be expanded into all areas of life. 

As this became evident in the lives of my clients, I found myself being invited to speak at conferences, events, and conventions, both in and out of the entertainment industry.

So here we are today, 30 years later. 

Using my experience in and out of the limelight, and by converting techniques of self-mastery that I’ve learned and discovered from one arena of life to the other, I've transformed my experiences into curriculum and successfully

coached hundreds of individuals
from all walks of life.

I’ve dedicated my focus to pioneering various confidence coaching techniques and adapted them to the industries of business, sales, entertainment, as well as helping to develop self-confidence and maximize life management with everyday individuals.  
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I was 12 years old when all this started, 

when not a lot made sense to a misfit kid trying to get a grip on puberty, geometry, and self-confidence. But somehow, that junior high cocktail of mood, movement, and music set me on a path that transformed me forever.
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As the dust has settled from the accolades and accomplishments, the stage lights have dimmed,
cameras turned off, and the music faded,

 what I still enjoy the most is getting to know someone else’s story
and helping them turn their next page—with confidence.
I’m still directing my path, I'm still writing my story, and I hope to be part of yours as well.

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